Dear Amy: My husband and I have seven adult children: Two are his, four are mine, and one is “ours.” All are estranged at this time.
I worded my will that the estate is to be divided equally among the children who can show they have been in contact with me within the last six months.
That can be through phone records or texts or word of mouth from the others. Estrangement is a disease in my family.
My grandfather was estranged from his family.
My mother was estranged from me, her only child. And now it has hit my children.
None of it is my choice, but those estranged shall not be rewarded.
– My Last Will
Dear My Last Will: “Estrangement is a disease in my family.”
What a tragic occurrence.
I’m going to assume that there is no one cause for this generational estrangement, but more that cutting others off is your family’s way of coping with intense emotions.
You were estranged from your mother, and so your children didn’t witness a parent and child coping with the ups and downs of a relationship, resolving conflict, and forgiving one another.
Your attempt to resolve this by trying to control your children via your will seems like a superficial fix to a deep problem. A therapist might help you to find other ways to undo your legacy of estrangement.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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