How To Retire If You’re Awful At Investing

Ah, retirement. That magical time when you’re supposed to sip margaritas on the beach, travel the world, or at least annoy your children with an endless supply of dad jokes. But hold on, it seems like a vast army of would-be retirees didn’t get the memo. They’re more likely to be seen perusing job listings than retirement villas. Why? Because a shockingly large number of folks are about as prepared for retirement as a turkey is for Thanksgiving.

The Great Retirement Plan… That Wasn’t

Many people are eagerly awaiting retirement. Unfortunately, far fewer retirees are actually planning for it. A shocking percentage of people have little idea about how much retirement will cost. One way to learn about retirement planning is to read Seeking Alpha. Many Seeking Alpha articles will contain examples of how to prepare for retirement. But let’s face it, for many, their retirement plan is more of a “hope and a prayer” strategy than a well-thought-out financial blueprint.

Seeking Alpha: The Retirement Whisperer

If you frequently read our articles, you’ll notice a strong emphasis on investing defensively. Yeah, sure, we talk about some high yield stocks. But those positions are either designed for a trading strategy or emphasize using less volatile securities like preferred shares and baby bonds.

We believe that investors should put a much greater emphasis on minimizing risk rather than swinging for the fences. It doesn’t mean investors need to hold most of their portfolio in cash or short-term Treasuries. Granted, investors earn a remarkably solid yield for simply sitting in cash today. As an American taxpayer, I’m thrilled to know my tax dollars are being used to pay higher interest rates to banks and China. Best possible use for my tax dollars. Sometimes I think about what I might do with that money, then I remember that my ideas are stupid compared to shoving up interest rates.

Nothing stops inflation like ramping up deficits with through interest on $34 trillion of debt. Remember all the great things we got $34 trillion? Roads with extra potholes? Crumbling infrastructure? Unaffordable housing? Wages that have not kept up with housing costs or education costs? At least all that money paved the way to a society where no one needs to be imprisoned and political discourse is always thoughtful and civil.

Do It Tomorrow

Procrastination isn’t just a problem for college students; it’s a lifestyle for many when it comes to retirement planning. “I’ll start saving next year,” they say, as they buy a boat or the latest iPhone.

Meanwhile, the retirement account remains as empty as my fridge two days before payday.

I prepared this chart to help you figure out if you should buy that boat:

The Myth of the Golden Years

Here’s the thing: retirement isn’t automatically a time of endless leisure and joy. It’s what you make of it – and if you make nothing of it, well, you’re in for a surprise. Imagine dreaming of golfing every day, only to find your main hobby is now comparing grocery prices. Thrilling.

It could be worse, for some people it will be stocking grocery stores.

The Seeking Alpha Lifeline

Seeking Alpha isn’t just a website; it’s a lifeline for the financially bewildered. It’s like having a huge team of financial advisor who do not charge by the hour.

Like any team, some contributors are less valuable than others.

If you didn’t see that coming, you probably didn’t know who you were reading.

I don’t mean to insult anyone. Far be it from me to ever say a rude word. I’m just saying, even the Beach Boys had Mike Love.

The Investment Strategy of Hope

Hope is not a strategy, except, apparently, when it comes to retirement planning. “If I just hope hard enough, my savings account will magically grow,” said no successful investor ever. Yet, this seems to be a popular approach. I wonder how it will work next time?

Spoiler alert: Cat food tastes bad.

The DIY Retirement Planning Disaster

Let’s face it, some people’s idea of DIY retirement planning is like trying to perform surgery on themselves. “How hard can it be?” they muse, as they completely ignore tax-efficient saving strategies and investment diversification. It’s like building a house with no foundation and wondering why it collapses at the first sign of a storm.

Stock Picking

Ah, stock picking, that noble pursuit akin to selecting the perfect avocado from a mountain of potential disappointment. It’s an art form, really, reserved for those with the patience of a saint and the insight of a sage. For those talented few who can navigate the tumultuous seas of the stock market with the grace of a seasoned captain, stock picking is not just a skill; it’s a veritable superpower. And in the context of…