Lately, I’ve been pondering why I have less admiration for men who claim to be retired but have a working spouse. Is it fueled by envy? It’s possible, considering I wouldn’t mind if my wife were the breadwinner, easing some of the financial strain on me.
The sentiment is akin to observing several of my neighbors, able-bodied men in their thirties, still living with their parents after 7-10 years. Come on guys. Let’s get it together already! You can’t depend on them forever.
I’m also struggling to resist the urge to keep working hard despite having amassed a comfortable net worth. Sure, there are new expenses due to buying a new house, and my liquidity is thin. However, I could liquidate an asset to cover upcoming costs instead of stubbornly adhering to my first rule of FIRE: generate enough passive income to cover all basic living expenses.
Whatever happened to lounging on the beach in my old age? A female reader literally emailed me saying she and her husband are in Hawaii right now on vacation. He hasn’t worked for eight months since leaving tech and he doesn’t seem to have any sense of urgency. They have two children under four.
Since I prefer not to dwell on negative emotions and dislike being stuck in dilemmas, I’m actively striving to evolve and become a better version of myself. Positivity is better than negativity! Maybe you are experiencing something similar yourself and can’t figure out why. Let me help you.
Evolution And A Man’s Need To Provide
After some deep introspection, I’ve realized my feelings for such men and my inability to do nothing largely stems from biology. Given biology is innate, we can’t help but act the way that we do.
Fathers operate on what I’ve termed a “Provider’s Clock,” where our DNA is encoded to provide for our children for at least 18 years after they are born. If we fail to fulfill this role, we often feel inadequate and view other fathers who don’t provide in the same light.
Perhaps I’m being a bit stringent, but biology tends to be unyielding to ensure the continuation of our species. Biology may also be a reason why there is sometimes incredible pushback against the FIRE movement, since the majority of participants are men.
When society sees able-bodied men choose not to continuously work traditional jobs to provide for their families or be productive in society, it goes against convention, or everybody’s Provider’s Clock.
Provider’s Clock and Biological Clock
The idea of a man’s Provider’s Clock parallels that of women’s Biological Clock for childbirth.
As women approach 35, the chances of conception decrease significantly due to an increase in eggs with abnormal chromosomes. By age 45, the natural conception rate drops to less than 5%.
More couples marrying and having children later in life has lead to a rise in the IVF industry to combat infertility. Therefore, a woman’s Biological Clock may start ticking as early as puberty and may stop by age 45. In other words, a woman’s biological clock may last for 30 years.
Similarly, some men feel a strong urge to provide for their families once they become fathers. A man’s Provider’s Clock begins after his children are born and continues to tick until they reach adulthood, typically 18 years later. My sense is that a father’s Provider’s Clock may also last for 30 years, or until their child is financially independent or has found someone to take care of them.
Just as a woman may feel pressured to start a family before 45, some men experience a profound desire to prioritize their role as providers.
When a woman hears her Biological Clock ticking loudly, she may experience feelings of dissent toward women who are not prioritizing motherhood. Likewise, a man with a resonating Provider’s Clock might perceive other men as irresponsible for not taking fatherhood as seriously as they do.
Not Everybody Needs To Have Children Or Needs To Work
Let’s address several key points before we go on.
1) It’s entirely acceptable to opt out of having children.
Life can be simpler, less expensive, and less exhausting without the responsibility of raising kids. Not everyone finds a partner they wish to start a family with either, and not everyone has the financial stability or time to commit to raising children. In these circumstances, choosing not to have children is a rational decision.
2) It’s fine to take a break from work, temporarily.
Perhaps you built a successful company in your 20s and sold it for a substantial sum in your 30s, granting you the freedom to pursue other interests. Or maybe you diligently saved and invested a significant portion of your income for many years, allowing you to retire early. If you have the means to…
Read More: A Provider’s Clock For Men Is Like A Biological Clock For Women